October So Far

I love fall. I love hot cocoa and beanies and scarves and bonfires. Autumn is my favorite season, and I'm so excited for the upcoming holidays.


That being said, I am quite stressed.


I wish I just had more time. I need time to do school work and readings and I wanted to actually read books for fun again; but I'm also a video game lover, and I want to start working on my own game; and I have online games with things I need/want to do in those; I also have a job, in which I really need to start building up more hours--school isn't cheap, and video games aren't free. I also have a cat to take care of, chores to do, and I need to keep up maintaining myself.


Hahahaaa.... What's a social life?


In reality, I do have a boyfriend I adore, and he's also busy with a full-time job, so we both try really hard to find every opportunity to see each other.


I also have really good friends whom I miss dearly and can't wait to see again, but they all have jobs and/or are in school.


I'm also pretty close to my family. I have a sister I get along really well with, and my mom and I bond frequently over music, funny videos, movies, and TV shows. So it's not like I'm alone....


I'm just busy. Both my father and I have birthdays this month, and everyone in my household loves Halloween, so things are pretty chaotic. 
It could also have to do with 2 pre-teens, a college student, 2 dogs, a cat, a dad that works odd hours, and a mom that likes to have fun.


I would LOVE to take up yoga to deal with stress. Anyone know a studio that's open 24/7?

Anxiety Struggles

So, our rhetoricity paper is the 3rd assignment I have done this year that has actually caused me to have an anxiety attack.

Wait wait, calm down. I'm fine. I don't need a hospital or anything. I've been dealing with this for a while. I have this under control. No need for anyone to panic.
It's not writing that makes me anxious, it's the subjects. I'm hoping these assignments will eventually turn into some weird version of exposure therapy, but so far, no such luck.
That being said, it's not like I want to make myself anxious. My anxiety attacks aren't obvious to most, but that doesn't mean they're in any way pleasant. My typical instinct is to avoid the things that make me anxious. Maybe, since I've avoided them for such a long time, they're hitting me harder than if I had exposed myself to them in small bits consistently.
Now I know we weren't supposed to make ourselves uncomfortable, but this event changed me as a person, and it's something I can write about for a long enough time in enough detail to satisfy the requirements of the assignments.
Or maybe I'm doing this wrong. Maybe I'm doing this whole assignment the wrong way. Who knows. Hopefully I'm doing it correctly, because I already have so much of it written.
I'm also.... self-conscious about others reading about this experience. I'm worried people will look at me differently, or pity me.
I don't need pity. I would appreciate understanding, or that someone learn from my mistakes so they don't ever have to go through the same thing, or anything similar.

I guess the point of this is to show I'm putting a lot into my paper, and I don't want the subject to be taken lightly. And I don't want to be taken lightly. I don't know. Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should, but this paper touches a sensitive subject for me, and every word I write is true.

Don't worry, I'll get past this. I've handled worse. Hopefully this doesn't stop me from writing my paper well.